Okay. So. Writing this from my home computer…how life changes. I could sit here and come up with some white lie or some excuse or whatever to explain how I found myself here…but I feel like that is pointless and I’ve already been honest with you in everything else, so here goes!
Rule 2.2 in the volunteer Manuel of fun is not to have any sort of more-than-friends-relationship with any of the boys there. Consequence for breaking rules 2.2-2.11? “Immediate expulsion.”
Last Wednesday night, I and yes, one of the boys there, kissed, and somehow the Sitas of our two houses found out, and we were both scolded. I thought that that would be it, until Friday when I guess it somehow made its way to the ears of head honchos Nacho and Paco. The weekend was a complete mess for me. On Friday I made desperate phone calls to friends mad and so, so scared that I would be sent home. On Saturday, when I woke up feeling most depressed, I made two “I feel like I don’t belong and I can’t stay here anymore” phone calls. After those and some dearly appreciated messages online, by Sunday I had decided once again that I could manage to stick it all out. Monday was going significantly better, and although I broke out in sweat and almost started hyperventilating every time I saw an adult, I thought I had survived.
Even ate a tamale with my lunch of rice and potato cakes-which, by the way, I had made since I worked in the kitchen on Monday and adored it.
But come group work time-so about 3:45ish, Nacho took me into his office and after a convo in which I understood…like 75% of (and missed another 50% because I seriously had assumed that if I had made it to 3 I had made it till august without having to be sent home) we all discussed how I knew the rule and I understood why it was there and Nacho explained the effect that it would have if all the boys, like for example the boys in my house, found out about it and couldn’t understand why it happened. Paco discussed how much I had at home, all my communities and family and Sheri, and how this guy had literally nothing in comparison…and the conversation ended with them asking what the situation was with my plane ticket home. I said…that I could go to Atlixco that day and find a new ticket home. And that was that. Walked the hour there, bought a ticket for Tuesday at 2pm, and I got home last night around 11.
And now…to explain where I am with this and how I feel and…wow.
I never fell in love with…well, I don’t want to say Mexico, because I (thankfully) do still freakin’ love that country and the culture and the people and Puebla truly is geographically gorgeous. I did not fall in love with (OR AT!) Ipoderac. I had yet to truly find a place there that was more that a babysitter and Sita’s bi*ch, doing laundry or staying inside waiting for David to finish washing dishes while all of the other kiddos went out to play futbol. I was literally all alone as far as having someone to talk to and run everything by…let me state that in the end, Val Val was absolutely a great help and explained so, so many things to me, but she had almost a year there under her belt and got everything and I did not feel like I could go and ask, in Spanish, how to really dig my feet into things.
I had a crush on this guy-who was one of the few who talked and listened to me-ironically-more than just to call me his amor or to shamelessly hit on me whenever we crossed on the sidewalk. And we ended up kissing, and yep I knew it was against the rules and I completely and entirely understood the risk. But, as I wrote to a friend, and am now writing here, I would rather have experienced this kind of crazy life in which yep, I did screw up but thoroughly enjoyed myself in the process, than have had some sort of connection with someone-when I had barely anything with anyone else-and given him a hearty high-five on my way out in August. I went to make connections, and obviously this connections just went a tad bit too far. Whoops. And that is all I can say.
I do not know if you want to me be writing this in tears. I ruined my life and this was such a once in a lifetime opportunity and I could have been an entirely different person in August and wow, Laura, you really “effed this one up”. Maybe. But tell me what that attitude is going to do for me now.
I am extremely embarrassed and feel foolish that my family and other adults who I trust and love and hold in great respect get to know about who I am kissing in foreign countries because the result was me returning to the states. But then again, the point is that I love and trust and respect those people for a reason, and if they can’t understand me making a silly mistake, and fully accepting the consequences and the punishment for it, well, I am moving on, then. Specifically, I am moving back to Omaha within a week, where I know for a fact I will be (hopefully mostly) surrounded by my best friends who know me and know that everything probably really does happen for a reason and that if I am okay with everything, then they are too. I am looking forward to living the summer that I had postponed until next year; living in an apartment with my best friend, relaxing, working 17 jobs so that I do not go into debt after this Mexico phone bill…
To everyone who has supported me throughout this entire process, I apologize. I am sorry. I feel like there are those of you who I let down. You had such high hopes for me-hopes of dreams that I could have achieved-and I didn’t. I did not permanently impact a 10 year olds life. I did not leave my house crying because I had made bonds that were going to last me a lifetime. This was so very far away from a missionary, unselfish trip, and if that is what you had in mind for me in order for me to become a better person and discover who I was and God and who knows what else, I am sorry.
Instead I learned how much I need personal connections in my life. I need to laugh and dance (absolutely not enough dancing down there) and play. And if there is a way for those to be integrated with learning and babysitting and loads of laundry, then please tell me where I can find that. But for me, this time, I did not find these things at Ipoderac. I thought I could give it all up, and sacrifice friendships and talking about how I felt about things and I thought I could survive those cold showers every other day for three months.
But I couldn’t, and it is for these reasons that I did not strut into Nacho and Paco’s little office and get on the floor and beg. It is for these reasons that I completed my Sound of Music destiny and left without saying goodbye (okay-actually I left without saying goodbye in person. I left them all little notes. There was literally not a good time when we all had a spare 10 min for hugs and kisses between when I bought my ticket and when I called my taxi.) I had an amazing almost 4 entire weeks of my life, and I DID learn a lot. About everything. But when I left, I had not fallen in love with Ipoderac. I apologize for that and I apologize for perhaps, giving up, you might call it, and accepting my plane ride home as just another 5 minutes in my summer telenovela life.
And also, it does need to be said that I see things as EXTREMELY black and white here. I broke a rule, I knew the STATED consequence, and I accepted the punishment. Nothing that occurred was the fault of this organization. IPO is a good place, filled with good people, and while I might change a few things about the way I was accepted and treated, it is not my organization, and I barely know anything about how psychologically lost these kiddos might be after their lives on the streets. I am positive that their ways of life, rules, regulations, time tables, houses, etc are run the way they are for a reason. And it just so happened that, this summer, I was not compatible with these things and I was unable to bend into compatibility and I broke the rules and now…now I am home.
So. I don’t know how hard these many trains of thought were to follow. I hope you managed, and I am more than willing to discuss with anyone anything that happened in my life in the last 4 weeks. I am not willing, however, to spiral into a dark circle of depression where I take the stance of ‘I am now living a ruined life’ because I am not and I am so, so excited to go to Omaha. After everything, I HAVE to believe that this all happened for a reason. I went to Mexico and I jumped into it all, and if this is the end result of this adventure, then so be it.
Thank you, as always, for reading, and I would like to also thank you for understanding, or hopefully trying to understand, how and why I am okay.
It was a big deal for a lot of the older boys that I was always smiling-and even as I arrived back to my house after buying my return ticket home-one of the boys who had watched the house one weekend and who was one of the better babysitters in my opinion, once again pointed it out and asked why I was smiling. “Porque no?” I questioned. “No tengo un razon por no tengo un sonrie.” (Failed Spanish sentence, but translated to ‘I don’t have a reason not to smile’.) And throughout the entire plane ride home…still smiling…because I went to Mexico and I lived lots and I kissed a guy and now I am home.
Todo estare bien.
El fin.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
chavos
okay so on the off chance that the internet works with me long enough to do this...
A quick and inadequate of the chavos in San Pedro:
Alejandro. I just wrote about him in my last post.
Ramiro. Love from first night, and I will be squeezing him in my suitcase somehow. has a BA streak but he is adorable when he is jumping on me or saying goodnight.
Andres. we are warming up to each other quite quickly and he is easy to learn spanish from, because he will repeat it until I get it. I believe he is meeting his gf in the Zocolo tonight, although that could have been Luis Noe who told me that.
Luis Noe. hehehe I am pretty sure that he manuvers (sp) his hugs so that his head is in my chest, but he is still awesome and plays around me and I appreciate all his help all of the time, too.
Juan: not one of my favorites. makes fun of me. minimal love right now.
Urial: better than Juan, but not by much. Also mocks me. no thank you.
Samuel: BAHAHA I have a couple of videos of him on my camera and he is an absolute riot. love to play with him.
Jose: decievingly cute. he can be really disobidient (sp) and then just shyly grin and sometimes it works.
Alejandro: I think a lot is going on in that kiddos mind, because sometimes he sulks and is moody and I feel really bad for him, and other times he seems fine. maybe the epitome of an IPO chavo
Rey David. knows his name is David King in english hehe and he is probs one of the most grown up at 12 and is bullied lots on the walks to and from school but I feel like that kid has my back 24 7 and it is awesome
Alonso: aye ye ye that kiddo can get himself into trouble!! He has been at IPO for at least 2 years and takes everything personally and fights a lot, but he has a dimple that is quite like mine and he is cute...
shoot. who am I forgetting. sound of music part when she is God blessing the children and she forgets Kurt. but there is no Kurt here.
Adrian! how could I forget him! he is also freakin moody and sometimes loves me and sometimes ignores me. wow I am actually quite surprised he is the one I forgot. Sorry, Adrian! also, his name is hard to say with a spanish and not english accent.
and Sita and I are still working working working but it is so obvious to be that she is the Sita and San Pedro is the house for me!!
I am truly loving it more and more everyday and finally I am at the point where, although I am anxiously awaiting that August 13th flight, now I know it will be filled with sadness of leaving and not only happiness of coming/going home.
A quick and inadequate of the chavos in San Pedro:
Alejandro. I just wrote about him in my last post.
Ramiro. Love from first night, and I will be squeezing him in my suitcase somehow. has a BA streak but he is adorable when he is jumping on me or saying goodnight.
Andres. we are warming up to each other quite quickly and he is easy to learn spanish from, because he will repeat it until I get it. I believe he is meeting his gf in the Zocolo tonight, although that could have been Luis Noe who told me that.
Luis Noe. hehehe I am pretty sure that he manuvers (sp) his hugs so that his head is in my chest, but he is still awesome and plays around me and I appreciate all his help all of the time, too.
Juan: not one of my favorites. makes fun of me. minimal love right now.
Urial: better than Juan, but not by much. Also mocks me. no thank you.
Samuel: BAHAHA I have a couple of videos of him on my camera and he is an absolute riot. love to play with him.
Jose: decievingly cute. he can be really disobidient (sp) and then just shyly grin and sometimes it works.
Alejandro: I think a lot is going on in that kiddos mind, because sometimes he sulks and is moody and I feel really bad for him, and other times he seems fine. maybe the epitome of an IPO chavo
Rey David. knows his name is David King in english hehe and he is probs one of the most grown up at 12 and is bullied lots on the walks to and from school but I feel like that kid has my back 24 7 and it is awesome
Alonso: aye ye ye that kiddo can get himself into trouble!! He has been at IPO for at least 2 years and takes everything personally and fights a lot, but he has a dimple that is quite like mine and he is cute...
shoot. who am I forgetting. sound of music part when she is God blessing the children and she forgets Kurt. but there is no Kurt here.
Adrian! how could I forget him! he is also freakin moody and sometimes loves me and sometimes ignores me. wow I am actually quite surprised he is the one I forgot. Sorry, Adrian! also, his name is hard to say with a spanish and not english accent.
and Sita and I are still working working working but it is so obvious to be that she is the Sita and San Pedro is the house for me!!
I am truly loving it more and more everyday and finally I am at the point where, although I am anxiously awaiting that August 13th flight, now I know it will be filled with sadness of leaving and not only happiness of coming/going home.
third time is a charm
fail. just typed a quarter of a post and it dissappeared into internet land forever. oh well.
wait, no, I just found it in draft land! Yay!
I had started it out by stating how completely much I rock at life. why (no idea where the question mark is on this keyboard) well because I got myself to this internet cafe here in Atlixco all by my very self which involved hopping a bus and telling it where to stop and paying and following a hand drawn map. uh huh pretty much rock at life. also, my extremely large ego is only due to the large amounts of attention I am recieving. cant help it hehehe
on a failure note, thought, not on my part thank goodness, our aka my dear could have been San Fran volunteer friend was kicked out last night. why I am not 100% sure the first story I heard was that he scolded a kid using force after eating an apple with worms but I think the more reliable store from Val was that he paid a kid 5 pesos which is freakin 50 cents to eat a dead bird (they are all over the place because they fall from their nests) and I guess he was more of a hinderance than a help and at least I do whatever I can whenever I can regardless of if I understand it fully...but it really, really shocked me because it feels like everything is kinda light and whatever when it comes to volunteers in that some do all the bi ch work and others dont and it was just surprising how fast this escalated to being sent home. I was glad to hear that he really wasnt a good volunteer, because when I found out last night with that apple and worms story, I was really worrying about my position here, since I am not super volunteer doing all the laundry and understanding everything all the time. but I think that all shall be well and no way am I going to ever joke around with them in that way. so.
lets see...I always have so, so many thought swimming around in my head about what I want to write and then I get here and the computer fails or I dont want to write it anymore or...haha
so this weekend is so far going SO much better than last. last night I strolled around the highway and stopped at the gas station to get some liquid heaven (pina colada flavored something...non alcoholic and infintely better) and today I was awoken by the kiddos working away, and I took my time showering (did I mention the water is literally never ever warm in our house oh well I shall appreciate my first shower at home that much more)and then when Ramiro came in to go to the bathroom we messed around for a quick 5 min and seriously he is coming home with me adore him to death.
on an adoration note, I am really very curious if Val and Estonia volunteers get the same kinds of attention and affection that I do. like...I have thought a lot about why they literally cannot wait for the weekends or Estonia is taking a week vacation week after this and like...they always want to get away, while meanwhile I am figuring out how to confirm if its okay that I am actually staying there so much. theres tons of boys in other houses who will run up to me with a hug or who are always very excited if I am in their afternoon work group and this morning/afternoon I watched while the older boys played futbol which was fantastic and once again, I just felt this feeling of this is what I wanted and this is where I want to be. I dont know if in another month I will be the same and will be fleeing the casas at 7 on friday night...idk thats just something I am thinking about.
so I am in Atlixco now and am planning, when I finish up here, on walking around some more, at some point getting dinner, and then eventually I will go and sit somewhere in the town square and people watch. Might do so in the Italian Coffee Company, which are huge here, or might just sit. TBD but I am excited to do a weekend my way. Val is actually sitting 4 computers down from me, and is planning on spending the night in Puebla and then going to visit the volcanos tomorrow...but I want this weekend for me and maybe next I shall play tag along once again. also, the famous and fabulous volunteer frankie, who EVERYONE talks about, is supposed to come within the next couple of days, and I guess he really can pull volunteers together for fun outings, so my fingers are crossed.
posting this baby now so I can retrive an old one from draft land! thanks, as always, for reading!
wait, no, I just found it in draft land! Yay!
I had started it out by stating how completely much I rock at life. why (no idea where the question mark is on this keyboard) well because I got myself to this internet cafe here in Atlixco all by my very self which involved hopping a bus and telling it where to stop and paying and following a hand drawn map. uh huh pretty much rock at life. also, my extremely large ego is only due to the large amounts of attention I am recieving. cant help it hehehe
on a failure note, thought, not on my part thank goodness, our aka my dear could have been San Fran volunteer friend was kicked out last night. why I am not 100% sure the first story I heard was that he scolded a kid using force after eating an apple with worms but I think the more reliable store from Val was that he paid a kid 5 pesos which is freakin 50 cents to eat a dead bird (they are all over the place because they fall from their nests) and I guess he was more of a hinderance than a help and at least I do whatever I can whenever I can regardless of if I understand it fully...but it really, really shocked me because it feels like everything is kinda light and whatever when it comes to volunteers in that some do all the bi ch work and others dont and it was just surprising how fast this escalated to being sent home. I was glad to hear that he really wasnt a good volunteer, because when I found out last night with that apple and worms story, I was really worrying about my position here, since I am not super volunteer doing all the laundry and understanding everything all the time. but I think that all shall be well and no way am I going to ever joke around with them in that way. so.
lets see...I always have so, so many thought swimming around in my head about what I want to write and then I get here and the computer fails or I dont want to write it anymore or...haha
so this weekend is so far going SO much better than last. last night I strolled around the highway and stopped at the gas station to get some liquid heaven (pina colada flavored something...non alcoholic and infintely better) and today I was awoken by the kiddos working away, and I took my time showering (did I mention the water is literally never ever warm in our house oh well I shall appreciate my first shower at home that much more)and then when Ramiro came in to go to the bathroom we messed around for a quick 5 min and seriously he is coming home with me adore him to death.
on an adoration note, I am really very curious if Val and Estonia volunteers get the same kinds of attention and affection that I do. like...I have thought a lot about why they literally cannot wait for the weekends or Estonia is taking a week vacation week after this and like...they always want to get away, while meanwhile I am figuring out how to confirm if its okay that I am actually staying there so much. theres tons of boys in other houses who will run up to me with a hug or who are always very excited if I am in their afternoon work group and this morning/afternoon I watched while the older boys played futbol which was fantastic and once again, I just felt this feeling of this is what I wanted and this is where I want to be. I dont know if in another month I will be the same and will be fleeing the casas at 7 on friday night...idk thats just something I am thinking about.
so I am in Atlixco now and am planning, when I finish up here, on walking around some more, at some point getting dinner, and then eventually I will go and sit somewhere in the town square and people watch. Might do so in the Italian Coffee Company, which are huge here, or might just sit. TBD but I am excited to do a weekend my way. Val is actually sitting 4 computers down from me, and is planning on spending the night in Puebla and then going to visit the volcanos tomorrow...but I want this weekend for me and maybe next I shall play tag along once again. also, the famous and fabulous volunteer frankie, who EVERYONE talks about, is supposed to come within the next couple of days, and I guess he really can pull volunteers together for fun outings, so my fingers are crossed.
posting this baby now so I can retrive an old one from draft land! thanks, as always, for reading!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Random (as always?)
this was typed on Friday, at IPO, and their entire office electricity kept going out. fail
Other random things:
Mom, this is going to be a shocker, but as of now,I do not want spaghetti when I come home. in fact, that Atkins thing sounds quite appealing after noodle soup and rice every.single.day. accompanied by who knows what else-sometimes veggie soup-sometimes eggs in green something...huh. but we have a cantelope sitting around I am extremly exited for whenever that is served.
it was actually served on friday...or maybe thursday...and it was heaven.
got my first sunburn of the season...whoops. But it is not completely horrible, so I shall simply tan beautifully :)
more of the boys are warming up to be, and we will tell chistes (jokes) or Luis Noe loves hugs all the time.
One of the boys who used to live in San Pedro, my house, has retrned after running away. He has a super sweet face but can fight as well as the rest of them. his face can melt...helado, though! hehe and he helps me out and yesterday we sneakily ate some eggs and ham that were given to our house.
also, on a Gaga shout out, his name is also Alajandro.
random dinner memory: so rice and beans are served every single day and Sita knows I hate beans (if Amanda could do it in the DR, I can live without them here!) and I have been stuck eating them twice accidentaly, I think, but wow. so it is a punishment for the boys to eat only beans for a meal, and one night thats what they all had to do, and Jose made some comment in passing about how he has to get used to beans because his family didnt have enough money to afford them. wow. owned, Laura. owned.
happy birthday to Carter, and happy graduation. I dont think anyone here has the same birthday, but a guy I was working with yesterday turned 16. close hehe.
Other random things:
Mom, this is going to be a shocker, but as of now,I do not want spaghetti when I come home. in fact, that Atkins thing sounds quite appealing after noodle soup and rice every.single.day. accompanied by who knows what else-sometimes veggie soup-sometimes eggs in green something...huh. but we have a cantelope sitting around I am extremly exited for whenever that is served.
it was actually served on friday...or maybe thursday...and it was heaven.
got my first sunburn of the season...whoops. But it is not completely horrible, so I shall simply tan beautifully :)
more of the boys are warming up to be, and we will tell chistes (jokes) or Luis Noe loves hugs all the time.
One of the boys who used to live in San Pedro, my house, has retrned after running away. He has a super sweet face but can fight as well as the rest of them. his face can melt...helado, though! hehe and he helps me out and yesterday we sneakily ate some eggs and ham that were given to our house.
also, on a Gaga shout out, his name is also Alajandro.
random dinner memory: so rice and beans are served every single day and Sita knows I hate beans (if Amanda could do it in the DR, I can live without them here!) and I have been stuck eating them twice accidentaly, I think, but wow. so it is a punishment for the boys to eat only beans for a meal, and one night thats what they all had to do, and Jose made some comment in passing about how he has to get used to beans because his family didnt have enough money to afford them. wow. owned, Laura. owned.
happy birthday to Carter, and happy graduation. I dont think anyone here has the same birthday, but a guy I was working with yesterday turned 16. close hehe.
¿como se dice hazing in espanol?
this might be a keyboard fail I am pounding on these keys to get them to work...BUT I need to say hey since I havent for quite some time!!
so this weekI have been in charge of walking a group of 15 kids to school at 7:30, waiting with them fr their teacher till 8:10ish, and then going back at 1. last week, I walked with Valerie to find out where it was, andwith the 2 of us it was easy enough. LIES. when there is one voluteer, they fight and steal food and dont listen tome and on mon they threw rocks (word ofthe day ysterday = piedras) at the bees and juan-who is not my favsie anyways-got stung and it was freakin loco.
best part hands down is gettin to stare at the volcano, which seriosly I adore, the entire way back.
this morning, I was bracing myself,and it wasnt going that bad. yeah-kiddos were fighting and being bullied but no one was crying. oh wait-until one started crying. but then YAY Laura y Miguelito to the rescue! and we sat with him and miguel (cutest and youngest = smallest boy here) offered him his water and finally when the teacher came, I told Miguel muchas gracias and he ran back to me to give me a huge hug and a kiss. YAY!
so again-I called it-things are crazy and suck and I wonder why I am babysitting everyone and them BAM something like that happens and all is well again. for at least the next hour or two :)
so this weekI have been in charge of walking a group of 15 kids to school at 7:30, waiting with them fr their teacher till 8:10ish, and then going back at 1. last week, I walked with Valerie to find out where it was, andwith the 2 of us it was easy enough. LIES. when there is one voluteer, they fight and steal food and dont listen tome and on mon they threw rocks (word ofthe day ysterday = piedras) at the bees and juan-who is not my favsie anyways-got stung and it was freakin loco.
best part hands down is gettin to stare at the volcano, which seriosly I adore, the entire way back.
this morning, I was bracing myself,and it wasnt going that bad. yeah-kiddos were fighting and being bullied but no one was crying. oh wait-until one started crying. but then YAY Laura y Miguelito to the rescue! and we sat with him and miguel (cutest and youngest = smallest boy here) offered him his water and finally when the teacher came, I told Miguel muchas gracias and he ran back to me to give me a huge hug and a kiss. YAY!
so again-I called it-things are crazy and suck and I wonder why I am babysitting everyone and them BAM something like that happens and all is well again. for at least the next hour or two :)
Sunday, May 23, 2010
part 2
so yep...I am just figuring out where I want to be here...
in LauraLand, I would be with the boys all of the days playing outside and they would not need to be punished and also there would be no bugs. probs would be slightly closer to august...this 12 more weeks to go is still freaking me out.
and in reality...I still don´t know. Valerie has asked me if I want to see more of Mexico...and you know, if I felt like I could work my way around Atlixco, maybe I would want to visit places near here, like Chiapas or...whatever else is around here. But it´s weird because I came totally totally thinking that for the most part, once I arrived at IPO I would be staying at IPO and now it turns out maybe not...and obviously I´m just not entirely comfortable with that.
also-a side note, Pat just told be via fb chat-for any of you who were waiting patiently for skype, it´s not installed on this comp and I can´t install it, either-that he thought/observed that the adults at IPO are kinda hard on the kiddos and yep they are but I think they might know what they are doing because on thurs, mi casa went around in a circle and each kiddo said how they arrived at IPO and the majority of them said that they had ran away from home...and in order to be at IPO, they have to have been in another program previously, because IPO will not take them straight off the streets. Also, they choose to be here, and wake up and 5 and do chores and eat rice and beans todos los dias...so obviously their lives before really were´t all that great? When I had to say why I was there, I said to learn. Andres asked if it was to learn spanish, and I answered si, pero tambien de todo (but also to learn everything).
so, in conclusion-ish...I simply adore the children in my house and there are others in otras casas who come and specifically find me and they are adorable and everyone at IPO is wonderful. how I fit into that equation, especially working things out with Sita, is yet to be determined. But I will keep trying and hopefully Valerie finds me a half-way decent companion and I can ask her to show me how this transportation thing works at least another one to two more times...and hopefully I will not always fear the weekends as a ´yikes how can I get out of their way?´ but instead more of a ¨I can go out tonight if I want to, but I certainly don´t need to¨ type thing.
haha lots of confusion on this end, but lots of laughing and smiling and half-way figuring spanish out and...
I hope that everything is going wonderfully in your life and I am positive that if you are reading this, I miss you incredibly large amounts :)
te amo
in LauraLand, I would be with the boys all of the days playing outside and they would not need to be punished and also there would be no bugs. probs would be slightly closer to august...this 12 more weeks to go is still freaking me out.
and in reality...I still don´t know. Valerie has asked me if I want to see more of Mexico...and you know, if I felt like I could work my way around Atlixco, maybe I would want to visit places near here, like Chiapas or...whatever else is around here. But it´s weird because I came totally totally thinking that for the most part, once I arrived at IPO I would be staying at IPO and now it turns out maybe not...and obviously I´m just not entirely comfortable with that.
also-a side note, Pat just told be via fb chat-for any of you who were waiting patiently for skype, it´s not installed on this comp and I can´t install it, either-that he thought/observed that the adults at IPO are kinda hard on the kiddos and yep they are but I think they might know what they are doing because on thurs, mi casa went around in a circle and each kiddo said how they arrived at IPO and the majority of them said that they had ran away from home...and in order to be at IPO, they have to have been in another program previously, because IPO will not take them straight off the streets. Also, they choose to be here, and wake up and 5 and do chores and eat rice and beans todos los dias...so obviously their lives before really were´t all that great? When I had to say why I was there, I said to learn. Andres asked if it was to learn spanish, and I answered si, pero tambien de todo (but also to learn everything).
so, in conclusion-ish...I simply adore the children in my house and there are others in otras casas who come and specifically find me and they are adorable and everyone at IPO is wonderful. how I fit into that equation, especially working things out with Sita, is yet to be determined. But I will keep trying and hopefully Valerie finds me a half-way decent companion and I can ask her to show me how this transportation thing works at least another one to two more times...and hopefully I will not always fear the weekends as a ´yikes how can I get out of their way?´ but instead more of a ¨I can go out tonight if I want to, but I certainly don´t need to¨ type thing.
haha lots of confusion on this end, but lots of laughing and smiling and half-way figuring spanish out and...
I hope that everything is going wonderfully in your life and I am positive that if you are reading this, I miss you incredibly large amounts :)
te amo
Part 1
saludos from an internet cafe in Puebla!
I have no idea what I just ate for lunch (okay-actually I had a potato and saussage and chile sandwhich and some sort of soft taco creation with HORCHATA yay!)
definitely have no idea how I got here...except I got here with Valerie and she certainly seems to know what she is doing!!
so...my poor little head is spinning. there is so much to process. it´s like once I get the routine down during the week, and I think to myself, hey-it is a possibility that I can do this-ohhhhh wait! here comes the weekend.
speaking of, I have done everything I was told not to.
friday night, went to a bar in atlixco and drank a pina colada. complete fail, because a) I barely know this girl Valerie, who is the German volunteer, and drinking with strangers in a karaoke bar is truly no fun at all.
(side note, now I am confused because I might be back online again at 3 in Atlixco...huh. Tagging along sucks but is absolutely 100% necessary at this point)
b) HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE THAT PINA COLADAS ARE NOT EVERYTHING I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE?!?!
c)I got all cute and ready and...after a sketch bus ride there and a really nice taxi driver back...I really don´t know if I want to go out every weekend, but I feel like IPO hasn´t necessarily accounted for me staying every weekend?
so Saturday I woke up LATE yay and it was freakin´ adorable because when the boys were done working, they came inside and they hadn´t seen me in like, what, 12 hours but they all had little smiles and I got a few hugs and I felt like an awesome Mexican mother!! (no literal meaning there, mom.) And a little later on I had a blastey blast playing around with Ramiro y Luis Noe in the kitchen...but gah! Here´s the thing-and I have run into this problem before...they are 10 years old and what I´m used to with a 10 year old is lots of play time...tiny attention spans...and even on the weekends, their schedule includes a lot of work and a lot of cleaning, and not a lot of playing with Laura time. so then I feel bad and confused when their older-chavo-babysitters (because the house educators get the weekend entirely off, too, and mine left altogether) punish them or yell at them or whatever and it´s probably because I was playing with them a little more than I was telling them to work. also-it sucks that I can´t remember all the time how to use commands in spanish. darn. like take for example, last night, when the boys got back from Atlixco--the older boys go from 4-8 and the younger boys from 6-8 and they are given enough money from IPO to buy dinner or whatever else they want in the zoloco, or town square--and I guess two of the boys from my house were lost-ish for a while so they were sent directly to bed. I went up to Alejandro to see if I had put the right clothes on the right bed, and then saw he was crying, and tried to give him a hug and back-rub and what-not. 30 min later, the babysitter older guy, Jaime, asked me (although he needed to say it 3 times) to not like...take care of the kiddos who are being punished. which makes complete sense-it just sucks because I felt really bad after the fact but when I don´t understand what´s going on...I don´t know what I am suppossed to do!
but regression to more of things I was specifically warned not to do: I went for a walk alone yesterday after the boys left for Atlixco and while I was rather dissappointed at only an average of one whistle or horn honk every 2 minutes, I did ADORE the walk. the mountains here are nothing but gorgeous and it was absolutely authentic with vendors or little restraunts along the side of the highway. I went to the gas station to buy something, and was torn between a sol ceverza simply to get the cap which would match my sol keychain (for all of you who didn´t know this side of me before, I offer my sincerest apologies, but would prefer not to censor this hehe honesty is the best policy...?) anyways between a ceverza and an ice cream bar when this CREEPER came and asked me where I was from and attempted spanish and guess what?! I rocked it and carried on the full convo in spanish and explained to him that I didn´t remember my address (false. 25 cat fed) and I only had 10 min until I needed to return and well...like I said rocked it. so in entirety, I rocked my 2 hours alone. and I did not need go ride a sketch bus into Atlixco or go to a pathetic bar and...yeah. so that´s one of those confusing things.
the final thing I did which everyone told me not to: drank the water! and am still alive and typing and in no need of a constant bano cerca de mi and so yay for working that all out! I´ll still try to ease my way in to a full nalgene of it...but that day is coming and I think I shall survive! yay!
I have no idea what I just ate for lunch (okay-actually I had a potato and saussage and chile sandwhich and some sort of soft taco creation with HORCHATA yay!)
definitely have no idea how I got here...except I got here with Valerie and she certainly seems to know what she is doing!!
so...my poor little head is spinning. there is so much to process. it´s like once I get the routine down during the week, and I think to myself, hey-it is a possibility that I can do this-ohhhhh wait! here comes the weekend.
speaking of, I have done everything I was told not to.
friday night, went to a bar in atlixco and drank a pina colada. complete fail, because a) I barely know this girl Valerie, who is the German volunteer, and drinking with strangers in a karaoke bar is truly no fun at all.
(side note, now I am confused because I might be back online again at 3 in Atlixco...huh. Tagging along sucks but is absolutely 100% necessary at this point)
b) HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE THAT PINA COLADAS ARE NOT EVERYTHING I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE?!?!
c)I got all cute and ready and...after a sketch bus ride there and a really nice taxi driver back...I really don´t know if I want to go out every weekend, but I feel like IPO hasn´t necessarily accounted for me staying every weekend?
so Saturday I woke up LATE yay and it was freakin´ adorable because when the boys were done working, they came inside and they hadn´t seen me in like, what, 12 hours but they all had little smiles and I got a few hugs and I felt like an awesome Mexican mother!! (no literal meaning there, mom.) And a little later on I had a blastey blast playing around with Ramiro y Luis Noe in the kitchen...but gah! Here´s the thing-and I have run into this problem before...they are 10 years old and what I´m used to with a 10 year old is lots of play time...tiny attention spans...and even on the weekends, their schedule includes a lot of work and a lot of cleaning, and not a lot of playing with Laura time. so then I feel bad and confused when their older-chavo-babysitters (because the house educators get the weekend entirely off, too, and mine left altogether) punish them or yell at them or whatever and it´s probably because I was playing with them a little more than I was telling them to work. also-it sucks that I can´t remember all the time how to use commands in spanish. darn. like take for example, last night, when the boys got back from Atlixco--the older boys go from 4-8 and the younger boys from 6-8 and they are given enough money from IPO to buy dinner or whatever else they want in the zoloco, or town square--and I guess two of the boys from my house were lost-ish for a while so they were sent directly to bed. I went up to Alejandro to see if I had put the right clothes on the right bed, and then saw he was crying, and tried to give him a hug and back-rub and what-not. 30 min later, the babysitter older guy, Jaime, asked me (although he needed to say it 3 times) to not like...take care of the kiddos who are being punished. which makes complete sense-it just sucks because I felt really bad after the fact but when I don´t understand what´s going on...I don´t know what I am suppossed to do!
but regression to more of things I was specifically warned not to do: I went for a walk alone yesterday after the boys left for Atlixco and while I was rather dissappointed at only an average of one whistle or horn honk every 2 minutes, I did ADORE the walk. the mountains here are nothing but gorgeous and it was absolutely authentic with vendors or little restraunts along the side of the highway. I went to the gas station to buy something, and was torn between a sol ceverza simply to get the cap which would match my sol keychain (for all of you who didn´t know this side of me before, I offer my sincerest apologies, but would prefer not to censor this hehe honesty is the best policy...?) anyways between a ceverza and an ice cream bar when this CREEPER came and asked me where I was from and attempted spanish and guess what?! I rocked it and carried on the full convo in spanish and explained to him that I didn´t remember my address (false. 25 cat fed) and I only had 10 min until I needed to return and well...like I said rocked it. so in entirety, I rocked my 2 hours alone. and I did not need go ride a sketch bus into Atlixco or go to a pathetic bar and...yeah. so that´s one of those confusing things.
the final thing I did which everyone told me not to: drank the water! and am still alive and typing and in no need of a constant bano cerca de mi and so yay for working that all out! I´ll still try to ease my way in to a full nalgene of it...but that day is coming and I think I shall survive! yay!
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